I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize