he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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