Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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