I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize