youre lurking in front of me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
