I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
