God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
