Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
ok first of all what the fuck
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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