so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
