All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
