then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
