My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize