we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
