The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
