I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
