I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Someone signed my nipple.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
