I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
