forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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