i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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