You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
