...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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