You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
