I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize