worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
