Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
