there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
