The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
