You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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