Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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