I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
