What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
