Everything about him screamed your future.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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