Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
