The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize