I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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