you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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