: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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