I need help removing her.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
