On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
