Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We left the knife in your bed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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