We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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