i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
