i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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