its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
