She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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