he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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