the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
