omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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