Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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