Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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