his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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