So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
