I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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