Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
