it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
