I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
