You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize