I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
