dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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