First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
