Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
