Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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