you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
