He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
