Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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