jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize