Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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