Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
