i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
