my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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