She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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