Im at strip club and am horny
there was a trapeze. enough said
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
