i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
