had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
