if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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