I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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