Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Text me some of your sweat
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
