if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think a kid would responsible me up
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize