He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
