Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
