her vagine was all disorganized.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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