I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
