I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
