im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
