I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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