Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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