I think I died a long time ago.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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