I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
