Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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