It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
