Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
