I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
