Having a random hookup so left but love u
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize