AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
