I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
