i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
