My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
