Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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