Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
