I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize